Defeatism

So... It's been a while. A long while. And a whole lot of things have happened. My life has taken quite a few twist and turns and unfortunately my fitness goals have suffered. Funny how those are always the first things to go out the window. And I admit, I'm making excuses for a lot of it. I moved, for one thing. And not just an around the corner and down the street to a cheaper/better apartment. I moved across the country back in my parents. California was proving to be... Expensive. To say the least. Ultimately, my life in California was just unsustainable. I loved it out there, but it was a no go. I therefore now find myself in Utah. I rationalize by saying that I'm taking the strategic retreat to make the more aggressive advance. And I may say rationalize, but really it's the truth. It's taken a bit of an emotional toll on me. Moving in with our parents doesn't do a whole lot to inspire self-confidence. But I'm making the best of it. However, as an inadvertent result my fitness goals have been thrown to the wayside. As longtime readers of this blog (as if there are any) may know, I was signed up for a 5k earlier this month. I was really stoked. I've never run a race before, and I really wanted to run my first race. So I started to train. At first, it was a disaster. My 60 year old dad walked a 5k only marginally slower than I could run it. It was disheartening. But I kept going. I realized that I needed to do more than run if I wanted to seriously up my time. So I did push ups. And sit ups. And the occasional chin up. Some not-so-strict dieting-but dieting nonetheless-when into effect. And the results started coming. Nothing extreme. I didn't drop 10 inches, get 6 pack abs, and start doing muscle ups. But the results came in all the same. I hit goal time after about 3 weeks of training. My arms and chest did in fact get bigger. I actually lost a few pounds!

But then I had to uproot my life. Without my goal, I felt lost. It was harder for me to get motivated to get running. And the longer I procrastinated, the more out of shape I grew which made starting even harder. I didn't even want to blog; and telling people my opinions may be my favorite hobby! I tried getting into gym, and that worked for about 2 weeks. But then that just became further excuse not to exercise. I don't actually have a gym membership and if my sponsor's and my schedule didn't line up, I just didn't work out that way. But for the longest time, I didn't use gym equipment. I used my body, gravity, and occasionally a tree branch. And that seemed to work just fine!

Unfortunately, I'm not too full of common sense. I shouldn't exercise to get that six pack having beach bod, or to be able to wear anything off the rack, or any of the other selfish, vain reasons I want to bulk up and slim down. I should be exercising because it's good for me. But if the near guarantee of lung cancer wasn't enough to keep me from smoking for all those years, something just being good for me is clearly not a great motivator.Well, today, I got caught feeling bad for myself. Like really bad for myself. I was on the couch, watching Netflix (giving Arrow another go), my hoodie up and zipped all the way up my face. I had just eaten a bunch (read: too much) of Thanksgiving leftovers. I felt fat, worthless, and meaningless. What's wrong with me? I let this defeatist attitude really get to me. Well, it's time I moved past that. I set this blog up in part to keep me accountable for my commitment to fitness. I figured I could dodge my responsibility to myself if I kept dodging you guys. Well, I'm going to go at this again. This time I'm going to be trying to complete Darebee's 30 days of Gravity. Anyone who's read this blog knows that I'm a huge fan of Darebee. They make fitness fun, free, and requires no equipment. 30 days of Gravity is a strength building program that focuses on pushups as the primary exercise. I recommend you guys checking it out. So, here goes nothing. Wish me luck.